


Low Down And Gritty

by FakePlastikTrees



Category: Damages
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 06:38:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakePlastikTrees/pseuds/FakePlastikTrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellen has to go to court ordered therapy sessions because of anger issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Low Down And Gritty

_*****************************_

  
_'See your face every place that I walk in_   
_Hear your voice every time I am talking_   
_You will believe in me_   
_And I will never be ignored._   
_I will burn for you_   
_Feel pain for you_   
_I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart_   
_And tear it apart._   
_I will lie for you_   
_Beg and steal for you_   
_I will crawl on hands and knees until you see_   
_You're just like me._   
_Violate all the love that I'm missing_   
_Throw away all the pain that I'm living_   
_You will believe in me_   
_And I will never be ignored._   
  
_*************_   


 

 

 

"...it was court ordered," The words sound so foreign in Ellen's mouth and she winces a little when she speaks into her cell phone. Katie falls silent on the other end and Ellen blows up at her bangs, which seem to need a trim lately. "Katie? Are you there?"  
   
"Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out if I really heard you say what I think I just heard you say."  
   
"I--you know--" Ellen paces up and down the sidewalk, her heels tapping against the concrete as she considers lying. But she can't. Not to Katie. She's been a constant confidant over the last few months and Ellen can't bring herself to execute the moral betrayal. Cheeks growing red with embarrassment, she says quickly, "I--fucked someone in the eye with my gun."  
   
"What!" Comes a shriek and Ellen has to push the phone away from her ear for a moment.  
   
"At the shooting range--with the back of my gun, I didn't actually shoot him. It was an accident," She explains.  
   
"Ellen--"  
   
"I swear, it was an accident. It was this--annoying son of a bitch supervisor that won't leave me alone--"  
   
"The one that's always hitting on you?"  
   
"Yeah. So, now, I'm in therapy for my--anger issues. Whatever."   
   
"Hmm---"  
   
"What?"   
   
"Nothing. Maybe it's a good idea."   
   
"I do not have anger issues." Ellen says with a scowl.  
   
"Okay," Katie says dismissively.  
   
"I've gotta go. I'll call you later."   
   
******  
   
It's eerily quiet in the therapist's office. It would be cozy if Ellen weren't so thoroughly lacking of desire to be here. As she finishes counting the books on the large shelf to her right, she realizes that she should probably say something.  
   
"So--" The calm-seeming man begins, after ten minutes of silence following a polite greeting and handshakes, "--what would you like to talk about?"  
   
"Well--I suppose we should talk about me giving a guy a black eye with the butt of a gun and get it over with, right?"  
   
He watches intently for a moment before setting his notebook and pen aside and replying delicately, "If that's what you want to do."  
   
"He came up behind me and tapped my shoulder. I was--thinking about something else. It was an accident. He startled me."  
   
"What were you thinking about?"  
   
"What?" Ellen asks, suddenly caught off guard by the question. Her brow furrows in confusion. In her rambling, she somehow transferred her mind elsewhere and it takes her a moment to return to the scene, "Oh." She averts her gaze to another bookshelf at the far end of the room. She shrugs, "I don't know. I don't remember. Work. You should know, this guy is a complete ass."  
   
"The man you assaulted?"  
   
"Yes--no! I did not assault him. It was--" She sighs, and closes her eyes momentarily, "I can't believe this is happening."  
   
"Why is that?"  
   
"Because--" her eyes open and she casually inspects the room. No longer looking for a distraction, but simply becoming comfortable with her surroundings as she talks, "--there was--a friend--a colleague--someone I used to work for. She did something like this not too long ago and when she told me, I thought she was crazy. How can you--accidentally hit someone with a door? It's insane, right?"  
   
Something shifts' in the man's eyes but he nods, "What's insane about it."  
   
"I don't know." Ellen says, "Maybe I'm just as insane as she is." For a second, she gets lost in thought and she thinks about Katie, "I have a friend--she says that people are drawn to each other for a reason. And when you fight that pull and try to get away from each other, sooner or later, you'll just--snap right back like a rubber band. A head on collision."  
   
"That sounds dangerous."  
   
"Yeah," She nods. "And Painful."  
   
"Is there someone you're pulling away from? Someone on the other end of that rubber band? This colleague--the person you used to work for?"  
   
Ellen shakes her head and laughs. She is most definitely not ready for this conversation, "Who knows. Katie is a little bit of a spiritual nut-job now, you can't trust what she says."  
   
He chuckles along with her. Ellen decides she is this close to liking him she smiles politely before nodding towards the bookshelf to the left, "Are those all mental health books?"  
   
"I have some comic books stashed in between some first editions," He replies.  
   
Ellen laughs, then catches sight of her watch. "Oh wow. It's time to go."  
   
"Yes. Our first session is over. How do you feel about it?"  
   
Breathing in deeply, Ellen waits a moment before replying, "I feel okay about it," Then, as she rises to her feet and she does too, "See you next week, Doctor Baldwin."  
   
********************  
   
"Is he nice?" Katie asks, handing Ellen a glass of wine, then settling on the opposite end of Ellen's couch, facing the television.  
   
Ellen nods, "He is. He has these kind eyes and this really thin neck, and he kind of reminds me of my grandfather. Or what I remember of him anyway."  
   
"It's good that you like him." Katie says as the movie continues, "God, women don't look like that anymore."    
   
The movie is Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and Marilyn Monroe is trotting around in this suit-like outfit that reminds Ellen briefly of a powder blue skirt suit she saw Patty wear once. She sips her wine and sighs. "Not many women can pull that off, that's for sure."  
   
"Are you thinking about Patty?" Katie asks, half joking, half serious.  
   
"I'm trying to watch a movie, here," Ellen scolds. And as Katie throws her free hand up in surrender, Ellen wishes her next therapy session wasn't a whole week away.  
   
*****************  
   
"You seem upset." Doctor Baldwin asks a pouting, frowning Ellen.   
   
She licks her lips and rolls her shoulders back, readjusting herself in her seat, "I'm not. I'm just--tired. I haven't been sleeping much."   
   
"How come?" He asks, and at Ellen's wordless response, he adds, "Work? Stress?"   
   
She feels mocked a little. And for some reason, it's okay. She rolls her eyes anyway. "I'm just tired."   
   
"Okay."   
   
"It's just, really--" Her lips are pressed together as she fights the urge to curse, but it wins, "--fucking unbelievable how people like to treat other people like little--minions. You know?"  
   
"What people?"  
   
"People. I don't care how long you've been doing what you're doing or how successful--or how good--you are at it, you can't treat people like you feed and clothe them and like they should worship the ground you walk on simply because every millionaire with sticky hands fears the sound of your name. That means shit." When she stops, she realizes she is near yelling and that her heart is beating rapidly, in time with her breath, which seems to be more and more agitated as she inhales.   
   
"Who are you talking about, Ellen?"   
   
Bitter tears stinging her eyes, Ellen swallows audibly and looks away from the kind eyes she is growing to trust. "No one in particular," she says quietly, then adds in a mere whisper, "She is just unbelievable."   
   
****************  
   
"What are you doing with all of this?" Ellen asks, watching from her spot on Katie's bed as the blonde empties her closet into box after box.  
   
"I'm donating it."  
   
"Oh." Ellen nods, "What are you into exactly?"  
   
Katie laughs, "What?"  
   
"Are you a Buddhist now? Is that what this is about?"  
   
"No, nothing like that. I'm just--" Katie pauses and searches the room for the right words, "--finally being honest with myself about things. You know? I'm accepting all the shit I did in the past, and just--letting it go little by little. Everyday, I let go of something else and I feel better. I sleep better."  
   
"I don't even know what sleep is anymore."  
   
Intently picking at invisible lint off the blouse she's holding, Katie, takes a deep breath and says, "Maybe you should try it." She looks over at the brunette and smiles briefly, "It might help--and this whole mess with Patty..."  
   
"What mess with Patty?" Ellen asks, slowly growing angry with the assumption that her sudden insomnia automatically has to do with Patty Hewes.  
   
"The custody hearing, this other case you're working on--it's a never ending war with you two--"  
   
"This case, Katie? Is the case that is going to make my career. There's nothing I can do. And I will not back down for that woman. I never have, so why should I start now? And the custody hearing--" She pauses and sits up, exhaling sharply before adding pointedly, "--I would never hurt her that way..."  
   
"Okay." Katie says softly and nods.  
   
Ellen doesn't like the simple, short statement. She doesn't like the understanding in it. Because Katie can't possibly understand. And understand what, for that matter? When Ellen, herself has no idea why. Every why that comes her way, she has no answer for anymore.  
   
*********  
   
Ellen can take a lot of bullshit. She can take lying because in her job, lying is never really lying. One bends the truth, and the law to one's advantage. She knows this. She enjoys that aspect of her career the most. But everyone has a breaking point. And Ellen is surprised that hers has come at such an early point in this particular case.   
   
She and Patty have been left alone in a conference room where certain issues pertaining to their little game of chess were supposed to be addressed. Polite exchanges turned ugly very quickly, to bitter, pointed words that were spoken with sharp tongues and in quiet tones, until, gradually, they evolved into the shouting match of the century.  
   
It was five minutes. Tops. And they are now standing on either end of the room, a large conference table for 15 keeping them apart, mostly yelling over each other, fingers being pointed and eyes being rolled in aggravation.  
   
Patty breaks a cup and Ellen kicks a chair.  
   
They are both breathing heavily and glaring. Ellen feels herself grow hot with anger--and maybe even a little bit of arousal--and she can see Patty grit her teeth, shaking with anger.  
   
Somehow, somewhere, the argument merges from their case, to something else. Something more personal. And it is an active volcano zone.  
   
"You're a childish little opportunist, Ellen!" Patty hisses, pacing in her brown and nude pumps.   
   
The nerve, Ellen thinks, to wear something so festive. Only Patty would think of THIS particular intimidation tactic. And it's worked. Ellen hates to admit it, but it's worked in Patty's favor exactly the way she planned it.    
   
The second Patty walked into that room, all smiles in her modest black skirt suit, and bright, attention stealing shoes, it was all distractions--when she considers it, though. Ellen thinks that just maybe, Patty was trying to distract one person in particular. Ellen. And Ellen--as much as she loathes it--was distracted. By the shoes, and the cheery, bright tone in Patty's voice, by the confidence. The god damn confidence Ellen somehow still admires. It might actually be Patty being plain egotistical. But it works in her favor every single time.  
   
Ellen instantly felt self conscious of her own outfit at the sight of those shoes. She opted for pants. Straight cut, designer pants that cost way too much, and a black buttoned down blouse, hidden behind a black jacket. Her shoes are also black and now, she regrets it. The heels she chose that morning are shorter than she usually wears. In fact, she's worn these shoes only once before. And now, she knows why. The two and a half inch shoes have nothing on Patty's four and a half inch pumps, which help her tower over the young attorney. It made Ellen feel inexperienced throughout their entire meeting, and it makes her feel little now.  
   
Patty looks bigger than life, and she behaves as such.  
   
Ellen hates her.  
   
"I'm done, Patty! I am DONE!" Ellen yells, and for a second, wonders what exactly she's done with. The meeting? The fighting? Patty?  
   
Patty seems to wonder the same as she gapes back through an icy blue stare. But she seems to be annoyed enough, and she grabs her suitcase, throwing the door open with one final, "Talk to your client, Ms. Parsons."  
   
The use of formality in her name, leaves Ellen frozen and glaring at the door long after it closes. The chair she kicks after that, leaves her cursing under her breath and nursing a bruised shin.  
   
*************  
   
"Have you been sleeping any better?" Dr. Baldwin asks, an act of desperation to finally ending the silence Ellen is so comfortably wallowing in today.   
   
"No." She says flatly.   
   
"How is the case going?"   
   
Ellen snorts a laugh, then shakes her head. She bites her lip briefly, then says, "It's stuck for the time being. That’s what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object."   
   
"But they can't both exist."  
   
"Yeah." She nods, "I know." She gets lost in thought momentarily and smiles as she says quietly to herself, "She's a force to be reckoned with."  
   
"The woman you used to work for? The former colleague?"  
   
"Yes," Ellen nods absentmindedly, and continues to talk as if she were alone in the room and simply thinking out loud, "I wonder if she considers us friends. I do. At times. Other times, I want to kill her--she is unnerving. But she's brilliant. And she knows it. I think that's what's most frustrating. And her--bigger than life charisma. Have you ever met anyone like that?" She turns to the man seated across her and for the first time directs a statement his way.   
   
He seems to think for an instant, then nods slowly, "A couple of times, yes."   
   
"Aren't sociopaths incredibly charming?" She asks with a laugh she drowns with a grown against her palm. "God--"  
   
"Ellen, you seem very conflicted about your relationship with this woman."    
   
Ellen opens her mouth to reply but she seems to be stuck. Pensively, she looks about the room for an answer, but nothing comes. So, she waits. And nothing happens. "Dr, Baldwin, I can honestly say--that I have no idea what I am about my relationship with this woman. Half of the time, I'm using her, and half of the time she's using me. Sometimes, I think I get off on that--isn't that sick?"  
   
He doesn't reply. He simply looks at her. In that quiet, un-judging--trusting way.  
   
Ellen grimaces, "It makes me sick."  
   
*************  
   
It's nice out when the two women step out of the car. The breeze is cool enough to suggest a sweater, but not brisk enough to demand a jacket and this suits Ellen's mood just fine. As she and Katie make their way across the large see of greener than green grass, she breathes in deeply. She lifts up the bouquet of flowers and takes a healthy breath of the floral scent in. It fills her chest and nose and a little hum escapes her.   
   
"You look happy today, Ellen--" Katie says as they round a corner.   
   
"You say that like you're surprised."   
   
 "No--you've just been pretty down lately. It's nice to see you smile."  
   
"We had the deposition yesterday--" Ellen says excitedly, "--Patty didn't say a word. I crushed her. It was fantastic."  
   
Katie laughs, "You're a little scary when you're in full Attorney mode."  
   
"It's better than drugs, Katie, you have no idea--"  
   
David's grave comes into view suddenly and both women grow  unexpectedly silent.  
   
Ellen swallows the lump in her throat and continues a steady pace along with Katie. It never seizes to stall Ellen a little bit, physically and emotionally. It stunts her. The idea of David no longer being present in her life. Although, it has gotten easier. And while the bitter taste of guilt never really fades whenever she is  here, the sense of loss has become somewhat bearable.  
   
As she and Katie dig through overgrown grass in the metal flower containers sunk deep into the grown, Ellen can't figure out if she still blames Patty for all of this. Or if she simply blames herself because she should have known better. At some point during the following few minutes, she hears her name being called in the distance.  
   
"Ellen--" Katie says again.  
   
Ellen flinches at the feel of the other woman's hand on her shoulder. It's then that she realizes that her hair has fallen over her face and that her breathing is ragged. Lifting her shaking hands off the ground, she realizes she's been digging through the excess wet dirt crowding around the metal cups. There is mud under her fingernails, and grass, pulled out at the roots, sticking to her palms.  
   
She holds her hands out in the air, finding nowhere to wipe them.  
   
"Are you okay?" Katie asks worriedly.  
   
"Yeah--" Ellen replies breathlessly, then rises to her feet, searching aimlessly for somewhere to wash her hands.  
   
"Ellen." Katie says firmly, to somehow snap her back. It seems to work and when Ellen does turn, Katie proceeds cautiously as she points behind them, "There is a water faucet over there--just around that corner. Why don't you go get us some water for the flowers--wash up."  
   
Ellen nods and takes the metal cup from Katie's hand before heading towards the indicated area.  
   
The water is freezing an it numbs her hands, but she lets it run against her skin anyway because it takes the stinging and prinking sensation to force her out of the trance she wasn't aware she was in. There, kneeled beside the faucet sticking out of the ground for visitors' convenience, she finally allows the flower cup to fill with water as she closes her eyes and presses a still damp hand to her forehead. She sighs and thinks back  on the deposition the day before. She sees Patty's face, stoic. Never saying a word. Not a word. She did watch Ellen, however. Watched her throughout the entire procedure. Ellen wonders how she's just realized this now.   
   
Could she have been that self absorbed--that self satisfied that she had not noticed or felt the warm blue stare?   
   
"Jesus Christ--" She curses under breath, now running her palm down to her cheek. Her stomach turns in a peculiar, nervous way at the thought of Patty's unreadable expression. It's a more of a warming sensation that she feels. Not a particularly bothering one but--foreign to her now. Most definitely the same warmth Ellen associates with Patty right before she decides it's time to leave the older woman's life for a while.  
   
It's this feeling--this warm turning of her stomach and in effect, her entire world--that Ellen cannot abide by.  
   
********************  
   
"--I still miss him." Ellen talks calmly. The last three sessions with Dr. Baldwin have been spent talking about David. Maybe out of guilt--maybe out of necessity to keep his memory alive. "But uh--I think it's because I feel guilty. I think that--if I love someone else, it will be a betrayal. And everyone will hate me. I mean--" She laughs, "--his parents hate me. I know this. They blame me, and I get that, but giving a part of myself that he had for so long, to someone else, just feels--"  
   
"Like a betrayal--" Dr. Baldwin says when Ellen can't.  
   
"Yes." She nods.  
   
"Is there someone in your life now, whom you fear, is taking that part of yourself?"  
   
She hesitates.   
   
"Ellen?"   
   
"No. There is no one."   
   
   
**********************  
   
   
It's a long drive around the city before she finally stops here. Mostly, because there was some talking herself out of actually doing what she's doing now. It took two hours. And now, she's seated in the car, the engine killed and the radio on, head thrown back, eyes closed, mind everywhere and nowhere all at once. Palms sweaty.  
   
Walking up to the building, it becomes difficult to breathe. Announcing her visit to Barry once at the door is nearly impossible, and when she steps into the elevator and the doors close, she begins to miss the intimacy in visiting Patty in her home, after work hours. Ellen misses it more than she cares to admit and she has to lean back against the elevator wall to steady herself.   
   
Staring up at the numbers signaling her fast approaching destination, she closes her eyes, growing dizzier with every passing floor.   
   
When the doors slide open, she moves without knowing, and when Patty's front door finally opens--Ellen catches her breath.  
   
"It's a little late, Ellen--" Patty says with all the humor in the world and just a tiny smirk to showcase it. Ellen thinks about turning to leave, but Patty is still dressed in her day clothes, so maybe it's not too late. "Come on in." Patty says and turns. Always expecting Ellen to follow.   
   
After hesitating in the doorway for no more than a second, Ellen does follow.   
   
Drinks are served by the time she enters the kitchen and she takes her glass graciously, "Thank you."   
   
"So--" Patty says, after a sip of her bourbon, "--what's on your mind, Ellen?"   
   
You, Ellen wants to say. But doesn't. Doesn't really answer Patty's question, at all. She simply asks one of her own, "Catherine?"   
   
"Sleeping."   
   
Ellen nods, takes a sip of her own drink, then gently settles her glass down on the island before advancing forward, in order to take Patty's glass and set it down beside the other one.   
   
The kiss doesn't take them by surprise. Because they both lean in at the same time. And on some level, they both saw it coming years ago. But when their lips part and the initially soft kiss becomes heated and hands begin to touch, they both gasp.   
   
Their heels are noisy against the expensive tile when Patty walks Ellen backward, until a counter somewhere in their way stops them.   
   
Ellen shivers at the feel of Patty's tongue against her own and her shoulders shrug before her hands slip low on Patty's hips and pull her forward.   
   
Ever the perfect counterpoint, Patty's hands are not shy. They move like they deserve to touch. Like they've been waiting for it. They trace Ellen's slim torso over her clothes, but stop just before she can cup her breasts, then fall down and around to slide up the brunette's back, then down again, low enough to get Ellen to moan, but not low enough to get anywhere else.   
   
Ellen refuses to be at Patty's will in this as well. So she takes a chance with a brave choice and tugs at the blonde's bottom lip with her teeth, making the older woman hiss, and in turn making their kiss a little more desperate.   
   
She allows herself a few more seconds of bliss before pulling away, panting and a little delirious as Patty remains close still.   
   
"You taste like cinnamon--" Patty says.   
   
When Ellen meets the other woman's eyes in the dim light of the kitchen, she decides to leave before she can't, and swiftly slips out of her trap between Patty's warm, inviting body and the counter, which she's only now realized, is crushing her spine. "Goodnight." Is all Ellen says before showing herself out.   
   
Patty doesn't come after her. And Ellen wishes she would.  
   
   
*****************  
   
"You're baking."  
   
"Yes." Ellen says as she takes a new  batch of cookies out of the oven and places them on the cooling rack she's set up for herself on the kitchen counter. "I am."  
   
"Is this your new business venture?" Katie asks, eyeing the other four or five trays of already cooled down cookies and takes one that looks appealing.  
   
"I bake. When my mind is too busy. And lately--I can't shut it down." Ellen moves efficiently around the kitchen, ready to place another tray in the oven.  
   
"Work?"  
   
"Yeah--" Ellen replies, turning to wipe a free corner of the counter with a towel, "--work. Patty."  
   
Katie nods knowingly and sighs before biting into a sugar cookie, "You really need to let this thing with Patty go, Ellen--I feel like it's really--"  
   
"I kissed her."  
   
"What?" Katie asks with a mouthful of pastry and a shocked expression like Ellen has never seen. "You kissed who?"  
   
"Patty. I drove around for hours because I couldn't sleep, and then I realized, I was driving to her apartment, and next thing I know--she's handing me a drink and I'm handing her a kiss."  
   
"Wait. What Patty?"  
   
"Hewes."  
   
"HEWES?" She says, and the look on her face would almost be comical if Ellen weren't so terrified at the response.  
   
"YES, Katie. Patty Hewes."  
   
"Because you wanted to? I mean--I'm sorry, Ellen, I'm not judging you, I promise, it's just--it's Patty, and--do you--I mean...do you have feelings for her? Is that what has you so strung out?"  
   
"I don't know--" Ellen waves off dismissively, "--you know, I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore..."  
   
"No, Ellen, I'm sorry, let's talk about it. We should."  
   
"No, we shouldn't. I just want to bake."  
   
After a an awkward quiet moment, Katie says, "It's okay if you do have feelings for her. You have your reasons."  
   
Ellen stops her wiping of the counter and stares down at the already clean marble. She thinks that maybe, she should make a list. A list would help her figure this mess out.  
   
***********************  
   
"We want to settle."  
   
Patty watches Ellen intently. Half a smile threatening to give out fully, amused glint in her eyes.  
   
They sit on either end of a conference table at Hewes & Associates--Patty's idea--eyeballing each other in a defiant manner they both fall into almost automatically.  
   
"Really?" Patty says, drawing out the L's like she's making a joke.  
   
Ellen remains straight faced, however. It's difficult, when she's trying not to stare at Patty's lips and how she'd been kissing them only a few nights ago. "Against my advice, of course." Ellen manages. Her tone is steady and seemingly  unaffected. She smiles briefly in relief. No weakness there.  
   
"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"  
   
It's a causal meeting, in spite of the formal venue and attire between the two. Patty sits, fixed slightly to the right, and turning a spoon in a hot cup of tea she's sipped all of once in the past fifteen minutes.  
   
Ellen sighs and leans forward, hands flat on the table, "Cut the shit, Patty. If it were up to me, I'd take you all the way down, but ultimately it's not, so--"  
   
"Not much control on your client, I see."  
   
It's really no time for petty arguments, and Ellen would rather finish this now than let it stretch out, "Figure out a sum, Patty. Schedule something for tomorrow."  
   
With one final indulgent stare that makes Ellen feel naked, Patty nods, "You'll hear from me before noon."   
   
"Great." Ellen's answer is short. Mostly, because her heart seems to be operating on its own and has decided to react in the most ridiculous way. As she gets up, however, she is stopped by the sound of Patty's intake of breath. Sign of an upcoming statement.   
   
"Ellen, what kind of game are you playing?"   
   
Ellen stares back, half seated, half standing. She has to remind herself that she must look like a fool, so she straights up and attempts one last throw at her morale with a straight face, "I don’t' know what you mean."   
   
Patty grows instantly serious. The connotation clear to Ellen now as to what she was referring. She is most definitely not talking about the case anymore. She is talking about the other night. The other night, when Ellen showed up , unannounced, to Patty's apartment and initiated a make out session in the older woman's kitchen with no explanation as to why, and then left.    
   
"Do not play games with me, Ellen--" Patty says sternly, "--you will lose."  
   
Ellen is caught. She doesn't respond. She doesn't move. She simply gapes back a silent response, holding her breath when Patty rises to her feet and begins to move towards her.  
   
And there, in the glass house that is this god forsaken conference room, in midday, with countless Hewes & Associates employees making their daily rounds, Patty kisses Ellen. It's soft, and barely a kiss on the lips as she grazes the corner of Ellen's mouth. Ever the tentative intimidator, however, Patty lingers--just long enough to make Ellen shiver with the lick of the blonde's gentle exhale against her cheek.  
   
"Have a nice day, Ellen."  
   
Ellen is too petrified to move when Patty does. Maybe she did start a game she doesn't quite know how to play, but Patty sure as hell does. And she's winning.  
   
When Patty is finally out of sight, Ellen falls into the chair she's just vacated and covers her eyes with one hand, while the other is swiftly pressed against her chest, attempting to ease her racing heart.  
   
**************************  
   
"I'm so sorry--"  
   
"It's late." Dr. Baldwin scratches his head, whatever hair he's got left sticking out at the sides in a bad case of bedhead. He seems groggy and is wrapped in a robe.  
   
Ellen feels terribly about this.  
   
"I feel terribly about this. I really do."  
   
"Would you like to come in?" He cuts her off.  
   
"No." She shakes her head quickly, then turns towards the sidewalk, nearly running down the steps that lead to Dr. Baldwin's office, which just happens to be his home as well.  
   
"Okay." He closes the door behind him and wraps his robe tighter around himself, attempting to keep the night chill at bay. "Ellen, are you okay?"  
   
And then she's crying. Sobbing, even, gasping for air and looking around the--thankfully--empty street for anyone who might see her. When Dr. Baldwin moves towards her, she holds her hand up, fearing any human contact will just make matters worse, "No. Please. I--I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't stop--"  
   
He waits on helplessly. Waits for a long time, until she's finally gathered herself together and the last of it is released in small hiccups as she wipes her face dry of tears.  
   
"The--the woman--" She tries, pausing to hold back another burst of emotion, "--the colleague. Patty?"  
   
He nods.  
   
"I think I'm in love with her. And it's not normal. It can't be. Right?"  
   
"Normal for who?" He asks with a small shrug.  
   
Ellen hiccups again, then  inhales deeply up at the sky before turning over and sitting on the concrete doorsteps, resting the side of her head against the metal railing. She wishes like hell she had an answer for any of this, because it's making her feel more and more like an idiot. "Oh, god...I don't know what I'm doing."  
   
"Is this about David? The guilt?"  
   
"No..." She mumbles to herself as she shakes her head and fidgets with the ends of her scarf, finally knowing something for a fact,  "--it's about me. I mean, how will that make me look? I've spent so much time telling myself that I stick around her for convenience. To use her--as if that will make it any better. You know?" She chuckles a little as she looks up at him, then continues, "I tell myself everyday that that is it. There is nothing else. I try to ignore that I'd much rather spend all day talking shop with her than with any man in my life, simply because I get to be around her. And then I go and kiss her--and she kisses me--and it's too much. It's SO much I've never felt before--" She begins to get choked up again and she has to pause to collect herself, searching the man's eyes for judgment, but all she sees is understanding, and this almost makes her more emotional. "Maybe it's just the fantasy. The mind games that come with the idea of her."  
   
"Maybe, it just is what it is." Dr. Baldwin finally says. "Maybe you should stop thinking about...how it will look, and just accept that it's what you want."   
   
She looks at him for a great while before bursting into mirthful tears that she isn't sure have really stopped since she got here, "This is like a bad after school special for gay teens."   
   
He smiles to appease her, then replies--sounding a lot more like a father than just a therapist, "Except, you're an adult. And she's an adult. And you already know what you want. All you need to do is stop feeling guilty about how you feel."   
   
She snorts, "Just like that, huh?"   
   
"Just like that." He tells her with a smirk, then, "Would you like some coffee?"   
   
She sighs. "Yes."  
   
***********************   
   
"I wasn't wrong, you know."  
   
Patty stops short of opening the door to make a quick exit, and turns a bemused smile towards Ellen, "Excuse me?"  
   
"Taking this case."  
   
"To beat me."  
   
"To prove to you that I can." Ellen corrects her.  
   
Stepping back towards the large mahogany table they were just occupying with a number of other people, Patty sets her briefcase down on a nearby chair and asks, "That you can what? Beat me or finally leave me?"  
   
Ellen says nothing. Mostly, because she has no defense. This entire thing was a defense mechanism. The only one she could think of in the very last desperate moment before falling at Patty's feet like she was bound to do. She needed to push and push hard. Still, the only appropriate answer to Patty's question seems to be a capricious one, "I don't owe you anything. I don't owe you--staying."   
   
"No." Patty says calmly, "You don't. So what are you still doing here?"  
   
"What?"   
   
"You think you've left?" Patty snarls at the younger woman, shaking her head in disbelief, "You've moved across the table, but you're still in the same room, Ellen. You haven't left."   
   
Ellen hates Patty. Hates her for knowing everything all too well. Hates her for telling the truth.  
   
"So what are you trying to prove, Ellen?" The blonde asks again, "That you can live without me?" Dotting her statement with a malicious chuckle, she adds, "Come on. What is that supposed to accomplish? I don't beg. I won't beg you anymore. You're running out of time. Make up your mind and stop wasting mine."  
   
And just like that, it isn't about work again. Funny how the lines between professional and personal seem to blur so unnoticeably between them.  
   
"What do you want from me?" Patty asks.  
   
The desperation in her tone is not lost on Ellen. It's barely there. Well hidden to any other pair of ears. Any other pair of ears that are not Ellen's, that is. And in turn, the young woman stricken by the not so distant memory of a time when she, herself, once asked Patty this very question.  
   
And it kills her. Kills her, that she can't get a single word to come out of her mouth. Not a sound.  
   
Patty seems almost disappointed. But she laughs anyway, as if she had been expecting this all along. "Typical." She says as she turns back toward the door.  
   
"Congratulations." Ellen finally manages to blurt. Her voice louder than intended.  
   
It isn't even close to the right thing to say. But it stops Patty from leaving. Slowly, she turns, frowning in confusion. "What?"  
   
And then, Ellen moves. Finally. She moves quickly, because she doesn't need to give Patty any more time to make a speedy exit.  
   
The quickness in her step seems to surprise Patty and unknowingly she steps back until she's pressed against the door she was this close to opening. Ellen has not touched her. And yet, her chest is rising and falling, faster with every second that goes by without a single word.  
   
Ellen tries. Her lips part and she searches Patty's face. She thinks she's searching for the words she seems to have lost somewhere in the past few minutes, but she knows she' searching for an honest-to-god reason to hate the woman standing before her. An imperfection. A flaw. But alas, every flaw and every imperfection is what draws Ellen to Patty with an intensity she's not sure either can really handle.  
   
"What are you doing, Ellen?"  
   
"Just--shut up for a second." Ellen says, hands pressed to the door on either side of Patty's head as she leans in and nearly hisses through gritted teeth, "I'm--trying. Okay?"  
   
After a beat, Patty nods. But confusion still lingers in her features.  
   
"I'm coming to terms with things." Ellen explains, her eyes briefly glancing at Patty's perfectly glossed lips before trailing back up to blue eyes, "I'm coming to terms with this. With wanting this. Because I do want it. I do, Patty. And I'm just--"  
   
"Trying to come to terms with it." Patty finishes for her.  
   
"Yeah."  
   
"Hurry up."  
   
And then, Patty is gone. And Ellen isn't sure what the last look she saw on the other woman's face was exactly. She seemed almost annoyed.   
   
"Shit." Ellen says. Then, wonders how she can speed up the process.  
   
*******************************  
   
"I want to be with Patty."   
   
Silence.   
   
"And I want you to be okay with it, because I like having you in my life. And when my parents find out, my entire family will disown me, and I can be okay with that, but I can't be okay with you disowning me. Because I'm going to need you. I don't have the energy to make another friend."  
   
Silence.   
   
"I know that it's weird. I know that everything in my history with her should convince me otherwise, but I can't help it. I'm going to do this with her. If she hasn't changed her mind about it. And--that's pretty much all I wanted to say."  
   
Silence.  
   
"If this is too weird for you, I understand--"  
   
"Ellen--" Katie finally says. "--STOP. It's fine. In some--weird, twisted way, I kind of get it. And I don't have to like her right away, right?"   
   
"No."  
   
"So, it's okay."  
   
"You'll stick around?"  
   
"Of course I'll stick around. You're my sister. You know?"   
   
Ellen smiles and heaves a sigh of relief, "Thank god that's over and done with."   
   
A sip of red wine later, Katie adds, "You've got to tell me what sex with that woman is like."  
   
Ellen instantly chokes on her serving of wine.  
   
**********************  
   
It's taken her two hours to find the right outfit. Only to realize that there is no "right" outfit in her closet. An additional twenty minutes at Barney's, finally leaves Ellen satisfied and a vision in a deep blue knee length, fitted Marchesa dress. A modest, high neck on front, and a daring oval cut in the back was what sold her.   
   
Making the phone call to Patty is the most ballsy thing she's done all year. And she half expected Patty to decline. But here Ellen is now. Walking up Patty's street with a  bouquet of flowers in one hand and her heart in the other.  
   
She feels sexy, though. So that helps. And while the black platform stilettos are killing her already, it's worth it. Flowers securely in her grasp, perfume reapplied, lips glossed--stomach in knots--she finds herself in Patty's elevator once more, a nervous smile plastered on her face before she even reaches the woman's front door.  
   
The person who answers the door, however, is not Patty. It's another woman, with a glass in her hand that lets her in. And for just a second, Ellen thinks she's being played. Her heart sinks for a fraction of a second, until she notices that Patty is hosting a gathering of some sort. And then, she's not entirely sure of what's going on exactly.  
   
There is music and there are waiters.   
   
All in all, there seem to be about forty people around, and not one of them is Patty.   
   
"Miss?" A young man holds a tray full of champagne glasses in front of her and smiles amiably.   
   
Ellen feels cheated. She was promised a date--well, promised is too strong a word, and date was not exactly what was discussed, but it sounded like a date. Feeling a little like pouting, she politely waves the tray away. "No, thank you." Considering leaving, she turns towards the door.   
   
"Wine for her, I think."   
   
Ellen hears Patty and turns in the opposite direction, a smile quickly appearing on her face, "Hi." She's back to that place she was in only a couple of years back. The place where just the sight of Patty made her giddy. She wonders why the hell she left it in the first place.  
   
"Hello, Ellen." Patty greets her warmly. She hands Ellen a glass of red wine and leans in casually to place a soft kiss on her cheek. Her hand is anything but casual however, as it slips inside Ellen's coat and lingers for just a second longer than needed, low on the brunette's hip before drawing back.   
   
Ignoring the shiver the touch causes, Ellen inhales sharply, "You're having a party."  
   
"Yes."  
   
"I thought it would just be the two of us." She can't help the disappointment in her voice as she showcases the large bouquet of Tiger Lilies.   
   
Patty's smile broadens as she takes the gift, "It will be." She says and sniffs the flowers before she turns towards the staircase leading up to her bedroom, "Let's take your coat upstairs."   
   
Ellen lingers just long enough to take in Patty in her knee length Versace cocktail dress. It's purple, in a unique jersey rouching that shoots up to drape over the shoulders. It's beautiful and flattering and hugs her waist perfectly. Ellen has to remind herself to move.   
   
Patty's bedroom is warm. Comfortable. Ellen has only actually been inside it two times, and when she looks at it now, she takes in all the details--one in particular. No guest coats.  
   
When Ellen voices this particular concern, Patty says, "I thought you wanted to be alone."   
   
Ellen's palms begin to sweat. But she smiles bravely through it and says, smugly enough, "We could have been alone in the first place if you had been clear about tonight."  
   
"If I recall correctly, Ellen, you were the one who suggested we see each other. You never once asked what my plans for the evening were."   
   
Damn it. She's good. Biting her cheek for a moment, Ellen retains her composure and asks sweetly, "So, do you want to talk about this?"   
   
"Talk about what?" Patty asks playfully.  
   
"You know--this."  
   
Slowly, in a way that makes Ellen's knees a little weak, Patty shakes her head. She turns only briefly to place the flowers atop the dresser behind her, then proceeds to lean back against it, crossing one ankle across the other then shrugging her shoulders once, "You're here. That's all you needed to say."   
   
It's just like Patty to say something inviting like that, only to wait for Ellen to go to her.   
   
And 'go' she does. She can't help it. Reluctant as she may be, Ellen can't help but follow every single time Patty beckons.   
   
Ellen isn't sure she will ever get used to the effect kissing Patty has on her. Again, it's a complete wave of euphoria with the first meeting of their lips. Patty's hands circle Ellen's waist almost instantly, skimming under the jacket the younger woman still wears, over the fabric of the blue dress, while Ellen's own hands first brace either side of the blonde's face, then shift for her fingers to delve into blonde locks of--previously--perfectly styled hair.  
   
They stay where they are for a while, kissing languidly, until it isn't enough and Patty's hands, which were so gently only barely grazing Ellen's hips, begin to greedily tug at pinches of blue fabric, in effect bringing Ellen's hips closer.   
   
"No more games, Ellen--" Patty sighs as Ellen trails kisses along her cheeks and jaw.   
   
"Okay--" Ellen replies breathlessly, hands already pulling at Patty's dress,  feeling a boost of confidence with a lick just behind Patty's ear, smiling at the soft moan she receives. "Wait. All games?" She kisses Patty's pulse point and pulls at the purple dress a little bit more, "Or just--some games?"   
   
Patty chuckles softly, "Let's just leave out the ones that involve you stomping your feet out my door like a spoiled brat."   
   
"Mmm--" Ellen hums just as one of her hands touch Patty's lace clad hip under the all too soft dress. The material keeps slipping stubbornly away. "--if I wasn't planning on fucking you right now, with all your little guests downstairs, I'd make time to be offended."  
   
Sighing heavily and with a tone that sounds a little like resentment, Patty pushes Ellen's hand out from under her dress and replies, "No, we can't. I should really get back."   
   
But her neck is arching towards Ellen's mouth, and her hands are now cupping Ellen's breasts, and palming them gently. She isn't very convincing.  
   
"Are you sure about that?" Ellen asks, a sigh of her own escaping her as Patty does this particular thing with her hands that's making her a little crazy. "I don't want to go downstairs."  
   
"Well, you don't have to, but I do." Patty says, and much to the contrary of her statement, captures Ellen's lips in another searing kiss.   
   
Ellen's hands resume their initial trip under Patty's dress--only to be pushed back out.   
   
"I'm serious." Patty says as she manages to slip away from the persistent young woman. "--those grabby hands of yours..." She mumbles under her breath, discretely fanning herself as she goes.   
   
Ellen groans and turns in time to see Patty comb her fingers through her hair. Her dress has slipped about an inch out of place at one shoulder, revealing a black bra strap. Suddenly Ellen wants to see what else is underneath, and she lunges forward after an absolutely insincere "Okay".  
   
This kiss lasts all of five seconds before Patty pulls away completely and as she moves quickly towards the door, she says cheekily over her shoulder, "I expect you to play nice downstairs. I expect you in no less than five minutes, in fact."   
   
Staring back, mouth agape, and flushed, Ellen licks her lips and prays the stupid party is over soon.   
   
It isn't. It seems to drag on forever, in fact.  
   
It does not help that Patty seems to get lost almost instantly. She is nowhere to be found and Ellen finally gives into drinking to keep herself occupied.  
   
An hour later, she finds herself  out in the terrace with her third glass of wine.   
   
There are only a couple of people out, and luckily, they seem to be engrossed in their own private conversation to even notice Ellen there. Soon enough, she hears them talk their way towards the glass doors. Sound appears and disappears as the doors open and close and she glances out at the city lights.  
   
"Why are you sulking?"   
   
Ellen smiles but does not turn at the sound of Patty's voice. "I'm not sulking."  
   
"Really?" Patty asks as she comes to stand beside her, leaning with her back to the city in favor of the young woman before her. "It looks like you're sulking."  
   
"You're testing me. It seems." Ellen says. Cautious as ever with her words as she turns towards the blonde. "You are, right?"   
   
Patty chuckles and shakes her head, leaning in a little as she speaks, "Still paranoid, Ellen. It's that bad habit of yours."   
   
Ellen's eyes seem to favor Patty's lips so much more now that she's kissed them, it seems, "Don't get close to me like that if you don't want to cause a scene."   
   
Lingering just a second, Patty moves away only a fraction before looking over her shoulder at the city, "Once upon a time, that would have a been a real threat."   
   
There's silence then.   
   
Ellen glares out at the view before them both and she feels embarrassed at her behavior in the past. So much time wasted--and yet time they needed. Or that she herself needed to get to this place now. The emotion the memories bring is still raw and she feels it in her throat. She pushes it away as quickly as she can and turns to catch Patty's profile in the dim night light.  
   
Firmly, Ellen tells her, "No more games, Patty."   
   
Wordlessly, they come to an understanding, that they can both play a good mind game, and that as far as jeopardizing each other--well, those are over and done with.  
   
"Fine." Patty says promptly, then turns to face the other woman with a brief smile.  
   
That smile is contagious, Ellen notes mentally as her own frown shifts into a grin of her own. "You look really beautiful tonight."  
   
"Thank you." Patty says, "So do you."  
   
"Really?" Ellen asks, suddenly not feeling the whole "playing nice" thing anymore. She moves a little closer and reaches out to just briefly touch the neckline of Patty's dress, "You like my dress?" She's taller than Patty, and from this angle, she gets the perfect view of her cleavage. With a telling glance, Ellen shows Patty just how much she's enjoying the view.  
   
Patty's chin tilts just a little and she glares in a way that is supposed to warn Ellen to stop, but only succeeds in encouraging her.  
   
"I went out and bought it just for tonight. Just for you." Ellen says, enjoying the way Patty's even breathing becomes just a tiny bit heavier. "I bought these new shoes, too." She continues, glancing briefly down at her feet, then moves in even closer until they're nearly touching and Patty backs up a little. Ellen follows and her tone drops, "I bought some other things, too. Just in case."  
   
"Oh?"  
   
Patty looks more than a little flustered now. And Ellen is loving every second of it.  
   
"What else did you buy?" Patty asks.  
   
They're nestled in a dark corner now, where no one would see them unless they were looking. So, Ellen takes the liberty of reaching out to touch Patty once more. This time, she opts for her waist as she leans in closely. Their lips nearly graze as she says coyly, "That's for me to know..."  
   
A dry, low chuckle, escapes Patty before she replies in a husky tone, "Well, I purchased a couple of items myself--"  
   
"Really--"  
   
"--Yes." She turns away from Ellen's lips and leans in close to her ear instead to speak softly, "And it's not the dress. Or the shoes."  
   
With that, she's gone and Ellen is left speechless once more. Downing the remains of her wine, she curses under her breath, "Damn it, when is this party going to end?"  
   
It's an even longer wait until their next encounter, which happens completely by accident when Ellen has to step outside to answer a phone call from Katie.  
   
"How's everything going, you stud?"  
   
"It isn't--" Ellen says, drunken disappointment evident in her voice, "--I mean, it's fine, but she neglected to tell me she was throwing a party, so I have to wait until everybody leaves before I can have an actual moment alone with her. I mean, we've had a couple already, but--"  
   
"Are you drunk?"  
   
"It's been a long night." Is Ellen's only defense.  
   
"I'm sorry."  
   
"Thanks. It's really not that bad. I'm just--impatient. I guess." She squints up at the tasteful lighting out in the hallway. She's really, really drunk. "You--probably don't care, Katie, but Patty looks really good in purple..."  
   
"Mmhmm, okay, Ellen, you're slurring, so how about you put down the alcohol and grab a glass of water?"  
   
"There is no more alcohol," Ellen pouts, "I think I drank it all."  
   
"It sounds like it," Katie says with a giggle. "Where's Patty now?"  
   
"Inside with her--party. Patty--party--Patty--party. That's a mouthful. There are famous people here, Katie."   
   
"That's--great, Ellen. You should go back inside and sober up, okay?"   
   
"I guess--" Ellen replies, her head falling back against the wall she's leaning on. A few feet down, Patty's apartment door opens and she's leading a couple out. Ellen watches on with a soft smile, bangs, nearly poking her yes, "--Katie, I gotta go."   
   
The call is ended before Katie can reply.   
   
By the time Patty's ushered the couple out with a jovial "Goodbye" and a "Thank you for coming", Ellen is waiting right where she is. Ridiculous, drunken grin on her face.  
   
Patty spots her within a short moment and she looks thoroughly amused as she approaches the brunette. "You look absolutely drunk--" The sentence disappears as Ellen reaches out and pulls her in for a kiss that Patty does not see coming.  
   
Ellen holds her firmly, with one arm wrapped tightly around her waist as she really lays one on her. The outcome is a small moan that sounds like a whimper--a sound Ellen wasn't aware Patty was capable of making--and the deep arch of Patty's back as she's pulled in even tighter. Instantly, Ellen is addicted to this feeling. The feeling of making Patty behave unlike people are used to seeing her behave--and make sounds people have no idea the Great Patty Hewes is capable of making.   
   
The alcohol in her system certainly seems to help her sudden bold attitude, which tells her that it is okay to flip their current position so that Patty is now the one pressed against the wall. The blonde seems to approve because she sighs against the kiss that's becoming more and more demanding.   
   
Patty pulls back suddenly, and not one to lose momentum just yet, Ellen latches onto the woman's neck, kissing and licking, following Patty's labored breathing as a positive response.   
   
"I have to get back in there--" Patty whispers, and licks her lips as Ellen sucks gently on a particularly sensitive spot on her shoulder. She tries with much difficulty not to moan.  
   
"These games, I like--" Ellen says with a chuckle that Patty echoes.  
   
It's a power struggle in every aspect of their relationship. And in this particular aspect, Ellen decides, that it's okay. It's so okay, that when Patty kisses her this time, Ellen doesn't realize that they're moving. Not until her back hits the wall on the opposite end of the hallway and she grunts softly on contact.  
   
As it turns out, Patty is very good with her hands. And it is quite possible that she might have a deep fascination with Ellen's breasts, as she can't seem to stop touching them. Not that Ellen minds much. Or at all.  
   
"Don't you think second base is a little inappropriate for the occasion?" Ellen asks in between kisses that she can't seem to stop giving.  
   
"There are a lot of things that are inappropriate about this entire scenario, Ellen, I can tell you that much."  
   
And then, she's gone again and Ellen is left breathless, with nothing but the wall to hold her up, "You really need to stop doing that! Tease..." She calls as Patty leaves.  
   
Patty doesn't turn once, and instead, runs her fingers through her hair, the way she did earlier, before disappearing into the party once more.  
   
Ellen has had a number of dreams involving Patty. A lot of them, sexual in nature. Although, those, she didn't pay much attention to in the beginning, because of course, dreams could mean all sorts of things. But there is one that never failed to put the last nail on the coffin when it came to sticking around the woman.  
   
It's always the same.  
   
Ellen will wake up in Patty's empty bed, a still warm left side clear evidence that someone has been sleeping there. She always feels right at home and doesn't bother changing out of her sleepwear to come down to the kitchen, where she finds served breakfast, and Patty. Sometimes, she's reading the paper, sometimes, just having her morning coffee.  
   
And then the dream is over.  
   
This is usually preemptive enough to make Ellen bolt from Patty's life, but now that things are different, she finds herself thinking about the dream more and more, and in turn, wishing for it in physical form in order to compare and contrast.  
   
So naturally, when she finds herself in a warped version of said dream, she can't help but get lost in the oddly comforting sensation she feels.   
   
There are two or three people left cleaning up from the catering team, one of which is talking easily with Patty about something Ellen can't hear.   
   
The other two disappear eventually and Ellen is left watching Patty talk with her hands. She's laughing and seems to be genuinely enjoying the man's company. This, somehow, fills Ellen with a sort of warmth. The man leaves and Ellen smiles against her glass--now filled with water--when Patty catches her watching.   
   
"What?" Patty asks, trying to hide the fact that she might actually be a bit flustered with disposing of an empty bottle of wine.   
   
"Nothing." Ellen says with a shrug, tucking her hair behind her ears before resting her elbows on the counter top, "You're just a nice lady."   
   
Patty rolls her eyes and rests back against the refrigerator.   
   
Not too long ago, Ellen had kissed Patty in this very same kitchen, and the memory isn't too far gone yet. Patty seems to register that memory in Ellen's predatory glare, like viewing a projector. The blonde instantly crosses her arms over her chest and averts her gaze elsewhere, "You're encourageable."   
   
"You have a  hickey." Ellen counters.   
   
"What?" Patty snaps, hand quickly flying to feel around her own neck.  
   
Ellen laughs, "When was the last time you could physically feel a hickey with just the touch of your hand, Patty?"   
   
"I don't know--" Patty says, still feeling around for marks, "--I haven't been fifteen in a long time, so hickey aversion isn't really something I have to worry about."   
   
"Well, things change." Ellen tells her, then scoots off her seat, and towards Patty, "God--relax--" Upon reaching her, she pulls the older woman's hand away and leans in close so she can touch the tiny mark herself, "--you're frantic." Her voice is softer now, all mirth almost gone from her tone as her finger traces the barely visible pink and purple mark resting nicely between Patty's neck and shoulder, "It's practically nothing. Looks like a scratch."   
   
Ellen's gaze lifts to meet Patty's and for a moment, she isn't sure if it's a good or bad decision. Because they're kissing again and they have things to talk about.   
   
It's soft now. Like the first time. Only, this time, Ellen is able to enjoy it without her mind questioning every meeting of their lips.   
   
Now that she's sobered up a large percentage, Ellen can taste the alcohol on Patty's tongue. It's sweet and just a little bit tangy.   
   
Reluctantly, but effectively, Ellen pulls back and whispers a single demand, "Bed."   
   
"I have to go down and pay the caterer," Patty replies with a  soft kiss on Ellen's cheek, then adds "Go on up. I'll be there in five minutes."   
   
Ellen sighs her frustration. And she is. Frustrated. Because this whole teasing game is beginning to really fuck with her. And not in a good way.   
   
But Patty kisses her neck. A wordless apology. And Ellen is goo all over again.   
   
She smiles, "Fine."   
   
As it turns out, five minutes turn into fifteen. And much to Ellen's sneaky inebriation, sometime in the middle of the night, she jerks herself awake to realize she's dosed off and Patty is not on the bed, where she's supposed to be.  
   
After a quick splash of water on her face, she makes her way back downstairs, where the apartment is now miraculously spotless, as if the party never was. In the middle of the living room, Patty stands, still in her party dress, barefoot and holding a glass of what Ellen knows is bourbon.  
   
"Deserter."  
   
Patty turns in Ellen's direction and toasts her glass in that direction, "I could say the same about you. I went up and you were sleeping. Kind of an insult."  
   
"I'm drunk." Ellen says defensively, "What's your excuse for trading me for bourbon?"  
   
"I'm drunk," Patty says mirthfully, then moves to sit on the couch. She's slouched comfortably against a couple of throw pillows and she crosses her legs as she smiles up at Ellen.   
   
"Are you going to share?" Ellen asks, nodding at the half filled glass in Patty's hand.   
   
Patty holds her glass out and Ellen takes a sip as soon as she takes it, before sitting down beside Patty.  
   
They're sat closely together. Close enough for their arms to touch.  
   
With a long, sorrow filled sigh, Ellen turns towards Patty and says, miserably, "This is just not going to happen, is it?"   
   
Patty begins to laugh, but stops herself once meeting Ellen's pathetically sad gaze. She seems to frown at the younger woman's disappointment, but rather than prolong it anymore than they already have with a verbal response, she takes the glass from Ellen's grasp, then leans in to kiss her before Ellen has the sense to question the action.   
   
Patty leads this time, and Ellen is so very grateful because, while getting special treatment from Patty on a professional level is pretty sensational, it doesn't even come close to what getting special treatment on a personal level feels like.   
   
Her kisses are tentative--sweet--for a while. They're distracting enough for Ellen not to notice that she's being manipulated onto her back until she's actually facing the ceiling and Patty is kissing her way down her neck. This side blinds Ellen for a moment, and all she can think of is, thank god the couch is big enough for this.   
   
She isn't sure what she likes best. Patty's hands or Patty's mouth. Either way, they are both doing pretty amazing things, and Ellen thinks she might lose her mind if Patty keeps it up.   
   
Her breath is hot against Ellen's belly as she leaves open mouthed kisses along the expanse of it through the dress that is now more than a little wrinkled, and her hands are warm when they slip under the skirt. They slide over Ellen's bent knees and down the length of her thighs.  
   
Somewhere between the gentle raking of teeth against an especially tender area of her inner thigh, and a heavy sigh, Ellen loses all train of thought and doesn't notice when her underwear is gone. When she comes to, one of her arms is thrown back, her hand gripping the sturdy armrest in a death grip, while the other is bracing the back of Patty's head as gently as she can. Because the last thing she wants--when Patty is doing that--is to be too demanding.   
   
Still, Patty is a god damn tease, so maybe pushing her a little wouldn't be such a bad idea. If Ellen could form a single syllable.   
   
The woman's tongue is definitely her best tool. And Ellen's is enjoying the give and take Patty's got going on, but she needs to get off now. She is about to attempt begging, when that teasing little tongue swipes all too briefly over Ellen's clit, drawing a desperate moan from the young woman.   
   
Her back arches and her hips thrust forward, searching for that contact she so desperately needs.   
   
Patty chuckles softly, and while the vibration makes Ellen’s eyes roll to the back of her head, she can't help the disgruntled near growl that comes out, "Patty--" She pants, "--that's not--oh--funny..."   
   
And then, Patty's hand is sliding up Ellen's torso in a determined trail towards Ellen's breast, where she proceeds to palm and pinch, as bellow, she busies herself with finally cutting Ellen a break.   
   
She sucks and licks and Ellen is pretty sure she's woken a few of Patty's neighbors, but the way her body tenses and then releases in a delicious string of sensations she was not expecting--Ellen quickly doesn’t give a shit if she wakes up the entire city.  
   
She is still catching her breath when Patty begins to slowly trail up the her body.  
   
Ellen finds herself meeting her halfway until they're both sitting up and kissing once more. She can taste herself on Patty's tongue now. No more bourbon. And it's intoxicating. It's surreal. And it is fucking amazing. Ellen is greedy in this kiss. She controls every aspect of it and is grateful for every sigh and moan she receives in kind.   
   
Soon enough, Patty is straddling Ellen's slender frame, pulled hard against the brunette’s chest as hips grind down in slow thrusts that have both women panting and worked up in no time.   
   
The thing about this, is that Ellen needs room. And while, Patty's bed is roomy enough, there is no time or patience for that sort of transition, so naturally, the floor is their best option.   
   
And naturally, while it is easy to get Patty to agree to this, getting her to just sit back and enjoy is a task proven to be a lot more difficult than anticipated. It takes Ellen literally pinning the older woman down with both hands, and a well placed you-stay-where-you-are type of kiss that is just enough to work. She never really gets Patty's dress off. Aside from getting her out of the sleeves, and pushing the skirt up to mid waist.   
   
"Oh--" Ellen says through a small puff of air as she lifts her head from where she's been so intently kissing, and has now a full view of embroidered lace lingerie, "--these are nice."  
   
Patty chuckles, and Ellen can't help but smile at the sound. She likes this. This new thing between them that just seems to work. She's glad it's working.   
   
Kissing Patty, is an addictive action Ellen has quickly grown to obsess over, but she was a fool to think that would be the best part of this whole thing. Because once she's inside her, fingers thrusting and touching nerve endings that make Patty moan just a little  bit louder, Ellen has found a new hobby.  
   
With every kiss and every angled thrust--every sigh and arch of Patty's back, Ellen finds herself cataloguing every reaction to every action for future reference. She wonders if she can convince Patty into sex in the office. She wonders if she can get her on the kitchen counter later on--the shower. And when she licks Patty's chest, then rakes her teeth over the swell of her breast, she wonders if she can get the blonde's bra off before this round is over. Because, pretty as it may be, it's in Ellen's way right now.   
   
As it turns out, there isn't enough time to do that, as Patty hooks her leg over Ellen's waist and lifts her head about an inch or so to muffle a sob against Ellen's neck.   
   
"Fuck--" Ellen curses and  releases a quiet moan of her own at the feeling of Patty coming around her fingers. She doesn't move them away, even when Patty seems to have settled down, because even the subsiding contractions seem to be an aphrodisiac Ellen had no idea existed. Only when Patty reaches between their bodies and stills Ellen's hand softly, does she stop the gentle movement of her hand.   
   
"Please..." Patty says.   
   
Ellen shuts her eyes momentarily and removes her hand, waiting a second before settling down beside a still breathless Patty.  
   
They lay there for a while, Patty, motionless and staring quietly up at the ceiling while her breathing gradually regulates, and Ellen, tucked at the blonde's side, her nose buried in her neck, one leg thrown over her thigh.  
   
"You're going to have to take those clothes off at some point--" Patty says suddenly, her voice gruff-like.  
   
Ellen shifts against her, and watches her profile, in complete awe of the woman beside her. "I was just thinking that about you."  
   
Patty smirks, but doesn't turn to look at Ellen, "It's officially Sunday."  
   
Ellen smiles, "Meaning?"  
   
"Meaning, you've got all day."  
   
Getting more comfortable, Ellen rests her head on her palm and lets a moment pass before saying, "You're kind of--very--sexy right now."  
   
Patty does turn to look at Ellen now, brow slightly furrowed, "You sound surprised."  
   
"I'm not. I just wanted you to look at me." Ellen admits, then leans down to offer a chaste kiss.  
   
"Just as well--" Patty says with a sigh, "--you're lying. I'm drunk and half naked on the floor. There is no way this is sexy."  
   
"You can't see you. You don't know."  
   
"I know what I look like."  
   
Unaccustomed to such blatant self replicating remarks, Ellen frowns. She remember the ingression of their latest falling out on that windy day by the water. There was something in Patty's voice that day. In her words. Ellen wonders now if Patty is thinking about the thirty year difference between them and hence, reconsidering the whole thing. She quickly makes a decision to not let that happen. "Are you questioning your mortality?" She asks playfully, "Because I have it on good authority that you're a vampire--that you drink young associates' blood in order to look this good." She toys with the wrinkled fabric of Patty's dress and runs her finger along the exposed skin between the designer garment and the expensive La Perla brassier, where Patty's ribcage begins.  
   
"Is that so..." Patty says, inhaling deeply as she glances down at Ellen's wandering hand just briefly, then back up to brown eyes, which rather roam over Patty's disheveled appearance than meet her own blue stare.  
   
"Oh, yeah..." Ellen replies with a single nod of her head, enjoying the way Patty's breath is deeper as the same teasing digit that was just inside her trails up and teasingly grazes one hardened nipple after the other, "--they warned me--that Patty Hewes, she's going to suck you dry."   
   
Patty's legs shift and Ellen smiles because this must mean she can probably talk her into having kitchen sex sooner than she initially thought. "Is that a euphemism for something?" Patty asks.  
   
"I don't know yet." Ellen says, as innocently as possible, while a not very innocent hand continues to tease and grope to its own desire.  
   
It isn't long before Patty's chest is heaving. So it's a surprise to Ellen, when Patty--yawns.  
   
At the look of utter rejection on Ellen's face, Patty laughs against the hand used to stifle the obvious sign of exhaustion, "I'm sorry. I'm really tired."  
   
"Did you just yawn?"   
   
"Ellen--"  
   
"Oh my god, you yawned..."   
   
"It's three in the morning."   
   
"I haven't done this in a long time. Maybe I'm out of practice."   
   
"Ellen, please shut up." Patty says, sitting up to place her palm over Ellen's lips for just long enough to stop he nonsensical blabbering. "I'm tired. That's all. You--" She takes a deep breath, "--are actually very good at--this. I'm just tired."  
   
"Oh." Ellen says, sitting up as well and dropping her gaze in embarrassment, "Okay."   
   
"Oh, you are impossible to please." Patty says with a roll of her eyes before getting up off the floor and securing her dress back on.  
   
Ellen gapes back in astonishment, "You should talk."  
   
And then, Patty sighs. A great, big sigh. Ellen thinks she might just be this close to being kicked out. Instead, Patty holds her hand out.  
   
"Come on--" The blonde beckons, "--let's go to sleep."  
   
When Ellen, takes the older woman's hand and allows her to help her up, she wonders just how much rest Patty is going to need before she can wake her up.  
   
"Where's Catherine?" She asks, suddenly afraid that the little girl has been upstairs in bed the entire time and could have heard something.  
   
"Sleep-over with Phil's son."  
   
"Oh. When will she be back?"  
   
"Tomorrow night."  
   
"What are we going to tell her about us?"  
   
"Let's figure out sleeping arrangements first, and then--we'll deal with everything else, Ellen."  
   
*******************  
   
"I feel really--great today." Ellen says to Katie, who's been keeping her company, via telephone call, on her walk to Dr. Baldwin's.  
   
"Tell me something--" Katie replies on the other end.  
   
"What?"  
   
"Patty Hewes...is a beast in bed, right? She has to be. There's no way someone with such a melodramatic name sucks at sex."  
   
"You should make an appointment with Dr. Baldwin, Katie. Seriously. I think you might have some deeply dormant, lesbian inclinations."  
   
"I like how you avert the conversation--"  
   
"I'm not telling you anything."  
   
"Does she have any tattoos?"  
   
"No. That's all you get."  
   
"Oh come on, give me SOMETHING."  
   
"Goodbye, Katie."  
   
Just as she throws her phone in her purse, Ellen spots that flawless head of blonde hair about a block away.  
   
Patty, dressed in a gorgeous white Armani suit, steps out of a town car and walks right into Dr. Baldwin's building.  
   
Ellen, frozen to the spot, doesn't realize she's stopped in the middle of a small intersection until the first car honks and she jumps to attention, and startled, offers a meek apology before finding the nearest sidewalk to lean against the nearest wall.  
   
"--the hell is she doing here?" She asks herself in a terror filled whisper. She hopes that it has something to do with work. Maybe Dr. Baldwin is a witness to something Patty's working on. But what? After fifteen minutes pass, and Ellen has been standing against the same wall, with clammy hands and a racing heart, it dawns on her, that Patty is, in fact, having a therapy session. It further dawns on her, that Patty has probably been seeing Dr. Baldwin since her nose breaking incident. "--oh, shit..." She curses, as all the pieces suddenly come together.  
   
All in all, Ellen waits an hour an a half before Patty finally exits the building, phone already in use as she climbs into the backseat of her rented car. Ellen waits until the vehicle's rounded the corner before walking in a quick stride towards Dr. Baldwin's office. With every step she becomes more furious. Especially, because it seems as though Patty took over Ellen's therapy slot. No questions asked. The nerve.   
   
"Patty is your patient?" She demands once Dr. Baldwin lets her into his office, "Why didn't you tell me? Is that even ethical!"  
   
"Ellen--"  
   
"Oh my god, do you tell her what we talk about? Does she know--she knows I come here doesn't she!"  
   
"Do I have to sedate you?" He asks calmly.   
   
This seems to do the trick, and Ellen finally quiets down, staring back at the man with question, "Fine. I'm calm. And you have too much freedom in the way you talk to me. I can sue you for that little comment."  
   
"I'm sure you're quite capable. Patty came to me a couple of months ago."  
   
"For the nose thing."  
   
"Yes. But then she stopped coming. And then you started. She doesn't know that you come here."  
   
She sighs heavily and sinks into the couch she's become almost attached to. "You know I can't come here anymore."   
   
"It crossed my mind, yes."   
   
"Well--" She rolls her eyes and wonders what Patty talks about. If she talks about her. If she told him about them. "--if you're not my therapist, you can--still make me coffee once in a while, right?"   
   
He smiles as he occupies the seat across her, "Yes."  
   
"And I can tell you about Patty and you'll know who she is."   
   
"I can't tell you what she says about you."  
   
She smiles, "So she talks about me?"   
   
"This isn't going to work out, Ellen."   
   
She laughs.   
   
*******************   
   
Patty is a lot more compliant early in the morning.  
   
After a few failed attempts to wake before her, Ellen has finally managed to accomplish it.  
   
This is her favorite so far. Their skin is still warm from sleeping wrapped in each other underneath a heavy comforter, and only seconds before, Patty was still sleepy.  
   
But not anymore.  
   
Catherine is still sleeping down the hall, and Patty isn't the quietest lover, but Ellen has taken every precaution. The bedroom door is closed, the covers are thrown over them both, from head to toe, and kissing seems to do the trick as far as muffling any moaning.  
   
Patty is writhing under Ellen, gripping the brunette's hips as they pump in a slow gyrating rhythm. Ellen sighs against Patty's lips as she thrusts a little harder against the blonde's thigh. It's that, and the feel of Patty's own meeting thrusts, slick against the younger woman's leg, that tells Ellen she should probably slow down if she's to make this last longer.  
   
But Patty isn't very sleepy anymore and isn't giving Ellen much of a choice.  
   
"God damn it--" Ellen hisses against Patty's neck as the blonde moves her hips in a particular way and shifts her thigh just so, "--stop doing that."  
   
"Why?" Patty asks, now panting.  
   
"Because..." But Ellen never finishes her sentence, because Patty cuts her off with another kiss that takes them both to satisfying--muffled--climaxes.  
   
Pushing the covers off them both, Ellen rolls off Patty and glares up at the ceiling before breathlessly saying, "I hate you."  
   
Equally strained for oxygen, Patty manages a dry chuckle, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not enjoy that?"  
   
"Shut up." The bed shifts and when Ellen looks over, she catches a glimpse of only a bare shoulder before Patty has her robe on.  
   
Rounding the bed, towards the bathroom, Patty stops and looks at Ellen briefly, "Have you noticed that we've had more sex out of beds than in them?"  
   
Ellen looks surprised, but isn't. "No kidding."  
   
Patty knows she isn't surprised, "I'm going to shower."  
   
"Okay."  
   
"Don't follow me."  
   
The bathroom door closes and Ellen waits only until the water is running before jumping to her feet and doing exactly what she was told not to do.  
   
Patty doesn't do much complaining. And this time the sound of the shower is all the cover they need to the sounds they make.  
   
********************  
   
Catherine has been asleep on Ellen's lap for the better part of the movie.  
   
Try as she might, however, she can't seem to put the little girl down. She strokes her hair softly, presses her nose against the top of her head and breathes in deeply. Smiling, she says, "She's getting so big."  
   
"Your arms are going to ache--" Patty warns her. Stern as she sounds however, Ellen sees that warmth in her eyes. It's there whenever Ellen is around Catherine. As far as she knows, it's always a plus, "--put her down."  
   
"No." Ellen tells her, resting her cheek on Catherine's head and looking at Patty for a moment before guiltily smirking, "I have something to tell you."  
   
Patty instantly looks worried and she reaches for the remote control in order to shut off the television, "What?"  
   
"It's about Dr. Baldwin. Your therapist."  
   
"You mean your little lunch date friend?"  
   
Ellen's smile drops, "What?"  
   
Patty smiles, amused, "You really thought I wouldn't find out about him? I've known for months."   
   
"What do you mean you've known for months--"  
   
"It isn't a big deal, Ellen. I know he's your friend. And--" She breathes in deeply, as if it's really, very difficult to say the following sentence, "--I like him. So. I'm going to keep seeing him. If that's okay with you."  
   
Ellen can't believe it. Yet, somehow, it doesn’t surprise her. Lifting her head off Catherine's crown, she chuckles. "No, it's fine. Now we can have dinner dates."   
   
Patty rolls her eyes, "Dear god..."  
   
"Double dates."  
   
"Is he gay?" Patty asks, suddenly, "I've always wondered."  
   
"Very gay."   
   
"Oh." Patty nods. "Well, I suppose a dinner date won't hurt."   
   
"I love you." Ellen blurts suddenly. And her cheeks grow hot almost instantly. "Not that you have to say anything back. I just thought you should know. That I do."   
   
Patty's lips fall into a soft smile. And a moment later, she's leaning forward and kissing Ellen. A soft, lingering kiss before she pulls back and shifts on the couch, throwing her arm over the backrest, "Come here."   
   
A swift maneuver has Ellen settled comfortably in Patty's arms, Catherine still nestled against her chest. And just as The Little Mermaid turns human on screen, Ellen realizes that she's feeling more human herself, than she has in a very long time.  
   
****************** 


End file.
